August.24.2011.Last.Of.Me.

You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me.

She's leaving Sunday && this sucks. I don't even know what to do. I'm no stranger to pain, believe me. When I moved last year I missed my friends && I know how it feels && I know it'll eventually not hurt as much I just wish it didn't suck so much.

Then Sammie is leaving soon && I can't even think about that right now or else I probably just curl into a corner for a couple days. I just don't know what to do people are all leaving && moving on && i'm not.

Then there's the issue with my mom. I'm not mad at Becca at all it's just frustrating that my mom just gives her so much money && it took me weeks to beg her for money. It's ridiculous!

I'm just frustrated. Regardless of that though.

You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me.

Upside. 8.10.2011

I can't even wait.

Kristen is coming on Thursday FINALLY! I'm so excited i've been trying to get her to come visit me for over a year and i'm so excited. She's finally coming to my house here in Kuna.

We are going to do crazy things together and I get to show her how awesome it is here. I can't even tell you how excited I am.

We've been friends for about 9 years now and she is probably the best friend I could ever ask for! Granted we do have a history of fights and everything but because of those fights and since those fights we've gotten stronger and closer. I love Kristen so much, she is my crazy ass, ying to my yang, moonshine, kim possible buddy. (:

I can't even wait.

Not even thinking. 8.10.2011

I didn't even realize I would miss her so much.

Danni and I went to the park today and it didn't hit me till we started having shoe throwing contests and whoing at an owl. We were so stupid spending so much time fighting when we could have been doing stuff together before she leaves. She's moving to Arizona and it's really going to suck. Even thinking about her makes me wanna just break down into tears. I'm going to miss her so much. Then when we got in the car she checked the back seat for serial killers/zombies like she always does and it made me smile.

Dropping her off really hit me hard. As I drove up to her house I realized it was going to be for the last time and she got out of the car and I just started crying on the way home.

I realized I wasn't going to be able to call her when I wanted to dance in the rain, have a dance party, dress crazy before driving to family dollar for toilet paper, go get coffee, listen to oldies music, play Sing Star, borrow a book, or even when I just wanted to have a party.

I didn't even realize I would miss her so much.

18 && movin' on...

Blonde pigtails with a slight cur.

Terrified blue eyes.

She sits in the dark too scared to move.

Her imagination crowded with monsters.

Little blue tears roll down her cheeks as she opens her mouth and screams

"Mommy!" And mommy, awoken by her cry, comes to the rescue.

As a new adult I stare at the world and the choices to be made and it's all I can do to keep myself from screaming mommy.

Because like that little girl I'm scared and I just want mommy to rescue me.